California Dreamin’

Tomorrow I head down to Southern California for a week. After that, I hope this blog will not wither like all things in California seem to be doing.

Although I associate myself more with Hawaii and Washington, California was a meaningful part of my childhood. My family lived there from 1985-1990. The prospect of a return trip has caused me to get my mental montage on. I call it “Fuzzy Neuro” named for our rice cooker.

1 We lived in LA for our first year. When we got there, we didn’t have a house, so we stayed in the homes of different church members who were on vacation. This happened to coincide with the time “The Night Stalker” was on a killing spree down there. I was getting ready to start 2nd grade, and would see the newscasts where the anchor would solemnly discuss this psychopath accompanied by the silhouette of a wild-haired man holding a knife. It was then that I first cursed my imagination, with no Ambien in sight. After having enough of LA and its psycho killers, (they did catch him that year though) my family moved to Loma Linda and lived there for 4 years.

2 On a more positive note, I remember getting to go over to my Aunty Naomi’s house to swim in the pool and play with my cousins. On a less positive note, there was a time at that same house where I ran into the iron fence full speed while playing Nerf football. It’s Nerf! It’s supposed to be for wimps who don’t like pain!

3 I also remember going over to Fiesta Village, which was(is) a family fun center thingy. It was the hot hangout for birthday parties and end-of-school trips. It was on FVs famed links that I honed my mini-golf game and really really hated that one hole with the elevated part that the ball will just not stay on! The place had waterslides, and go-karts, and batting cages (which I never did because the balls weren’t Nerf). But the best thing of all was playing Gauntlet for hours and hours in the greasy pizza place where I probably spent my weight in quarters.

4 Then there are the things unique to a Southern California education. At Loma Linda Elementary, I discovered the joys of “Smog Days” where you had to regulate your activity level depending on the smog level. Okay boys and girls, remember to only speed walk for recess! Another thing that I only experienced there was the biannual bomb threat. Theoretically, I’m sure this was very serious and scary, but I just remember getting out of class and getting to play for 2 hours or so. The “bomber” was probably some asthmatic kid who forgot to turn in his research paper about vegie-meat. Because we never had a bomb threat on a smog day.

5 California is full of fruits. I remember bearing witness as grove after grove of oranges were replaced by car lots, subdivisions, and strip malls. The sadness of this situation never hit me until later. I also remember how almost every Memorial Day we would go up to Lodi to pick cherries at my Uncle Frank and Auntie Harriet’s place. We’d hang those half moon buckets around our pencil necks, climb ladders, and pick cherries until our hands were red. We’d marvel when we saw a double cherry or feel miff-age when a seemingly perfect cherry had been discovered by a bird first. Being the annoying younger sibling, I probably always tried to compete with my brother. Because apparently, I really liked losing as a child.

6 Most of all, I remember family get togethers with lots of aunts and cousins. Birthday parties, Thanksgiving, going out to my Uncle George’s house to look at Saturn’s rings and Jupiter’s moons through his telescope. There was the famed Christmas gift exchange where Uncle Frank once brought a dead bird in a nicely wrapped box. Yeah, that’s what I missed most when we moved from California. It will be good to go back.

Dairy Err

I have no idea

Why a person would rather be

Compared with cheese

Than with a thrilla’ MC

!!!
Or maybe you’re just not telling me about it.

If I were a rapper (Imagine that)

WARNING: Taking this quiz may offend some people. You scored as Nas. Congratulations you are Nas, one of the best rappers to ever hold a mic and married to Kelis. Nas 58% LL Cool J 58% Ludacris 50% 50 Cent 25% Eminem 17% Jay-Z 8% Snoop Dog 0% Which Famous rapper are you? created with QuizFarm.com

My Clicks Don’t Lie

Thanks to Steve Rushin’s article “Popping the Lid on Our Id” (Sports Illustrated, July 17, 2006) I have become obsessed with the site Google trends.

Apparently, Google has begun to keep track of Internet searches, and then compiles a top 10 list of most enthusiastic cities. Rushin discovers that Salt Lake City leads the world in “nude volleyball,” “breast implants,” and “mullets” searches. Here’s some detective work of my own:

Auckland, New Zealand is the leader in “bling bling” and “Snoop Dogg” gangsta inquiries.

Oslo, Norway leads in searches for “leisure suit” while Malmo, Sweden is crazy about “hotpants”

By a frighteningly large margin, Philadelphia dominates in “chest hair” queries.

Who doesn’t love “Christopher Walken”? Well, Austin TX loves him the most. Austin also is avid about “body odor” searches.

Perth, Australia has problems of its own. They are world leaders in “flatulence” and “impotence” searches. Nothing spoils the mood like gas.

Irvine, CA seems to be obsessed with faces. They win for “acne” and “botox”

Then there’s Portland, OR, champion for “prozac” and “vasectomy” googling. Perhaps the former is a coping mechanism for the latter.

Salt Lake City did redeem themselves somewhat, based on their enthusiasm for “Homestarrunner” and “Vote for Pedro” But they lost control with “adult diapers” and “bed wetting”

A few scary things to note. Brisbane likes to look up “bomb making” more than any other city, while St. Louis is interested in “white supremacy” In a strange and scary finding, Budapest, Hungary is avid about “Barbara Streisand”

See if you can guess who congregates in Chicago. The Windy City leads in searches for “Revenge of the Nerds,” “velcro shoes,” and “knee high socks”

Finally, I’ll bring it back to the city near my birth. Honolulu, HI likes to spend their quality time looking for “fanny packs” and “Yo mama jokes”

Try it yourself and see the time go by!

Que Queso?

Don’t even particularly like blue cheese, but the cheese quiz has spoken.

What type of cheese are you?

The O-Z: Catorce

It’s all about the ducats

As interesting as my adventures are, I thought you might want to know some things about Australia that you could easily find out online or in a travel book! First of all, the prices in Australia tend to be quite expensive. Like a small bottle of water for 3 bucks. However, this may be a bit deceiving, since the exchange rate is quite good. In fact, it got better as the trip got longer. We could basically get 650 ASDs for 500 USDs. If you are aligned with a major bank, such as Bank of America, see if they have an agreement with an Aussie bank. We found that BOA had an agreement with WestPac, so no hidden ATM charges were added.

Also, the tax figures into the price so the price you see is what you get. Australia has also evolved past the penny and simply rounds up or down if they don’t have exact change. I like this because I find the penny rather extraneous.

If you tend to be a bad tipper, this is also a good country for you because apparently they pay their workers well enough so as not to require tips. Silly fureigners!

So now I’m sure everyone who is reading this will just feel like rushing off to Australia right?

Rolling on a River

On Wednesday, Sara and I moved from the motel with my folks to the Biddle’s residence. My folks, KevinandAmanda, and EricandJoy were all leaving Brisbane, so it left Holly, Sara, and I to form the Traveling Team Fantastic American Surprise (our Japanese name).

We decided to go into Brisbane again. This time however, we drew on Angela’s wisdom to figure out how we could actually travel the Brisbane River for more than 10 seconds. Angela gave us the tip to buy a Zone 4 pass which would not only allow us to take our jolly time on the river, but would allow us to catch a bus home!

Angela dropped us off in town, and we spent some more time in the Queen Street Mall. Checked email at a really seedy Internet lounge, ate Indian food at one of the 27.5 food courts, and found a game store where Holly got a genuine Aussie game. We also looked up information on Byron Bay and Moreton Island.

Then it was off to cruise the river. The term cruise is a bit of a loose term, since most cruises involve large boats, unintelligible narration over a crackling speaker, and lots of Japanese tourists. Our cruise involved us riding public transportation on the sleek CityCat ferries with minimal narration (the announcing of stops), and minimal Japanese tourists (me). It was a beautiful day, with a great view of the bridges and buildings of Brisbane.

Left: Sara and Holly show their “Korean Pride” colors from the CityCat deck
Right: Das Boot

Byron(n) Bay

I mentioned to Sara one time how we should name our hypothetical son Byronn because it would be the words “By Ronn” and pay homage to my verility. How do you think that one went over?

On Thursday, the three of us (TTFAS) headed out to Byron Bay via express bus. It was a pleasant 2-hour trip as we headed south to Australia’s famous Gold Coast. Sara’s brother Aaron had given us the tip about Byron Bay being a hep place during his stint in OZ. Apparently, Byron Bay is a surfers’ haven and the second most popular tourist destination in Australia, with Sydney being first.

Right after we got off the bus, we headed over to the Farmer’s Market. Our purchases included honey, a passion fruit/mango/strawberry fruit roll up, and some really cheap tangerines. I enjoyed freeloading off the samples while trying to give the vibe that I was actually going to buy stuff.

After the market, we looked for a place to lodge. We settled on the Middle Reef Beach House, which had a two-bedroom apartment available in a good location and at a reasonable price. Appropriately enough, the name of our particular quarters was “The Nut House”

We then traveled into town. The thing that immediately caught my eye was all the food options. Bakeries, gelato shops, Indian food, Thai food, kebabs…things were looking good. Unfortunately, Sara had developed an unsettled feeling in her stomach and was scared she might be catching my misery as described earlier. I assured her that if she had anything like I had, she would not be (a) standing upright or (b) within 5 feet of a bathroom at all times. Still, it seemed cruel that in this land of opportunity her stomach chose to rebel. On the bright side, we did save on food.

After doing some browsing, we checked out the Main Beach. I was really impressed by what I saw, miles of clean white sand, waves that were not too big or too small, and hardly any people. Although the water felt rather frigid at first (it was approaching Winter), it didn’t feel quite as bad the longer we were in it. This inspired me to rent a wetsuit and boogie board and head out. I was tempted to try surfing again, but I’ve had some dismal experiences in my attempts to surf and wanted to actually enjoy myself.

The ocean floor was similar to Hawaii, with a soft sandy bottom that’s coral free. I was also struck by the lack of seaweed and debris in the water or on the beach. The waves curled nicely and gave a smooth clean ride. It felt so good to be in the ocean again, like being home in Hawaii. Unfortunately, my rental was only for an hour, so I had to be a bit conscious of time. Still, my habit of ten more waves quickly changed into ten more good waves and then five more after that. When I got out, I felt a bit light-headed. The wetsuit and paddling had kept my body quite warm, but my head was in a different temperature zone. As I lay there, I thought, this was so worth it.

Left: My idea of a good time at the beach

Right: Holly and Sara’s idea of a good time at the beach

Below: Isn’t she love-ly? Isn’t she…cold.

That night, we walked to watch the sunset. We were actually looking for another beach–Tallows, but it was farther than it looked on the map and the sun was going down. But as you’ll see below, we weren’t too disappointed.

Since Byron Bay sits right by the eastern most point in Australia, we had talked about getting up for the sunrise on Friday. However, we had done a LOT of walking on Thursday and the idea seemed to be less appealing with each step.

However, the next day I woke up around 5:00 am and decided to head on out. I had still not adjusted to the time, but in a positive way. I would go to bed easily around 10 or 11 and get up wide awake around 5. For a moment, I thought about waking Sara and Holly, but not a woman was stirring and so I made the judgment call that neither of them was up for a roundtrip hike of 4 plus miles. I intended to go to Tallows Beach, but again got off track (it looked so easy on the map!) and ended up following signs to the lighthouse.

But just like the night before, things worked out. I got there just as the sun was coming up and I walked down to the easternmost tip. Only three significant sunrises stand out in my memory: Makapuu Point on Oahu, just outside of our hotel on Kauai, and this one. Although it is a royal pain to try and roll out of bed in darkness, it always seems worth it. I was thrilled but kind of rueful that Sara and Holly weren’t there.

There was a group of about ten other people watching the sunrise. As I was getting ready to head back, I heard a couple of girls talking about dolphins. I noticed that there was a sign that mentioned how bottlenose dolphins come to feed and play in that area. I looked out and saw some kayakers riding along the waves. Then along the tops of the waves it seemed like something was poking out! I wondered if I was actually seeing dorsal fins or if my imagination was merely getting a buzz off of my hope.

Fortunately, the path back into town gave me a clear view of the cove and brought me closer to where the dolphins might be. As I stopped along a ridge, it became clear that yes those were indeed dolphins riding in on the breakers! Then, as I walked farther down, closer to the beach, the dolphins started to put on a show. A group of three dolphins actually started to leap out of the water as they rode the waves in! Sweet-ness is my weak-ness…and dolphins. At that point, I felt downright guilty that I hadn’t woken Sara and Holly.

Unfortunately, this picture isn’t great because my camera happened to be dying at the time. I promise it isn’t a shark.

The rest of the day consisted of us going into the arts and industrial district, buying some really cool bowls, and then missing the bus back. We eventually walked back into town, but not before we wasted an hour hoping a bus would come. The fact that they don’t really have bus stops there makes it a little more forgiveable, and the gas station people were no help.

When we got back into town, we ate, did a little more shopping and headed home. I would describe the cool shops, but this is already way too long and no one wants to hear about the shirt I bought.

We got back into Brisbane Friday night and tried to find our bus stop. However, I was hungry so I just had to go and get a falafel from the food court atop the station. Well, to make a long story short, we wandered around Brisbane for about 20 minutes, actually went to the right bus stop (and saw the right bus) but then thought it was the wrong one, came back to that exact same bus stop and then had to wait for half an hour. Oh, and did I mention we felt really stupid before, after, and during? Later, we found out that the Biddles actually spun by to look for us, saw our Byron Bay Express bus, but then lost track of us. Where were we? Getting my falafel (it wasn’t even very good).

The last two days we spent going to church, eating out at Sizzler, doing some shopping at downtown markets, and making plans to come back. Oh, and Holly was missing Kuyler (Sara and I were too, actually).

Left: Our super excellent hosts, the Biddles.
Right: Sara meditating upon Brisbane (check out the shoes!)

So thus ends the recap of our time in Oz. Originally, I titled this blog post in tribute to U2, but it has turned out to be the equivalent of posts quatro through catorce anyway. Thanks for enduring…and visit Australia sometime. It’s surprisingly pleasant when you aren’t spilling your guts.

The O-Z: Tres

On Monday, we traveled with Eric and Joy into Downtown Brisbane. There, we shopped the Queen Street Mall, strolled through the City Botanic Gardens, took the shortest ferry ride ever, watched a really bad street performer, and checked out the Maritime Museum. By “checked out” I mean Eric and I went in, saw that you had to pay about $6 and then left feeling properly educated about the maritime history of Brisbane.

Eric is an international driver extraordinaire, who is unfazed by roundabouts and driving on the left side of the road. He also seems to be unconcerned by those silly things called directions. Fortunately, we just kind of had this thing going where we would make a decision and would end up in the right place, eventually.

We capped the day off by eating at a Mexican restaurant, Montezuma’s. With my innards having just experienced a series of unfortunate events, one might think I might not want to eat at a place named Montezuma’s, but it ended happily.

Photo 1: Native Arboreal Wildlife Photo 2: Our Rockin’ Palauan Friends

“Crikey, look at the size of that thing!” No this was not something uttered on the honeymoon, but rather the pet phrase of Steve Irwin aka “The Crocodile Hunter” At the reception, Sara had gathered that Australians don’t much care for Mr. Irwin because of the stereotype he creates of Aussies. I was trying to think of someone who might have a similar effect in America. Would we want all people to judge us by…Michael Jackson? Paris Hilton? David Hasselhoff? Well, the Germans do love David Hasselhoff.

I mention all this stuff, because on Tuesday, we traveled to The Australia Zoo along with my parents, Holly, Angela, Eric, Joy, and the newlyweds. Now this whole experience can best be captured through visual essay (aka pictures with captions), but a few things to mention:

–At the stadium show, the camera showed Kevin and Amanda on the big screen about four times. Needless to say, I tried to inconspicuously find my way into their shot, essentially tanning off of their “married glow”

–If I were to work with some animal, I probably wouldn’t work with crocodiles. Koalas seem mellow, birds you can teach cool tricks, tigers even seem to develop affection for their trainers, but crocodiles can never get past that “you might look good flailing in my jaws” thing. Just doesn’t seem like there can be much give and take in that relationship.

–The Australia Zoo is the coolest zoo in the world. The most amazing thing was heading out to the kangaroo sanctuary and just being able to walk up and chill with the critters. It was a little bit of heaven on earth. Never have I been to such an interactive zoo, and the habitats for the animals seemed to be intentionally natural and spacious. See for yourselves.

Newlywed feeding habits (caption courtesy of Sara)
“Mmm…food. Chicken looks good too.”

One of these things is not like the other…

Best friends forever: Me and Deshon the Gangsta Roo

This wombat was actually named Mini-bus.

“I’m so embarrassed of me spotted bum.”

So as you can see, the trip was getting better like an alpaca sweater.

The O-Z: Dos

The first Australian friend I made was the porcelain pony in the motel room. We spent a lot of quality time together that night.

Well, it was the day of the wedding and though people were offering me food I was having none of it. No way was I going to ruin Kevin’s day by doing something embarrassingly disgusting. No, I would gladly choose the fainting over the…other thing.

We spent the morning hanging out in Amanda’s folks house. The Biddles are cool laid back people, they seemed relatively calm about the day. Kevin seemed a little jittery, but it could have just been my eyes shaking from my ordeal the night before. Just before we left though, Kevin had this feeling that he was forgetting something.

Got to the church for some photos and last minute instructions. The church was in a great location, just across the street from the beach. After a rainy Saturday, it was great to see a blue sky. Since I’m bad at visual description, here is a photo of die Kirche

Right before the ceremony was to begin, Kevin was getting all nervous. It runs in the family I think. Anyway, we got up there and waited for various people to walk down to music. It was kind of like pro wrestling without pyrotechnics. Then it was the big moment. It was fun to watch Kevin as he saw Amanda for the first time that day. Amanda looked lovely and had this massive grin which caused Kevin to do the quivery Kevin chin. It took me back to my wedding 4 years ago. Throughout the service, I exchanged poignant glances with Sara. Fortunately, she read these as “I love you” versus “Jump up and distract people because I’m about to pass out.” It’s that connection we have. To spare you the longest post of all time, here’s the scorecard: Tears: not many, I do’s: 2, Kiss time: At least 2 full minutes!

There was much rejoicing and photography as Kevin and Amanda left the church. Holler if you love group pictures! After that we went all over the city of Brisbane for bridal party pics, first the beach, then by some trees, and then in front of the Story Bridge. Despite having gone about 30 hours without retaining any food I was still very much taken by the lovely locales. As the sun set, it begain to get a little breezy. We kept warm by dancing the “Shift Your Weight From One Foot to the Other Like You Just Don’t Care” dance.

Off to the reception. The setting was atop Mount Coot-tha with a great view of Brisbane at night. I was really not doing well at this point. It was really like some triathalon of tolerance. Wedding, pictures, reception. Fortunately, all the shiny happiness going on helped me get in a good mood. Mind over bowels became my mantra. Lots of toasts, touching speeches, and roasting. I even got to bust out some impromptu Shakespeare. Still the lines of the night go to the bride and groom (to the best of my memory).

Kevin: I’m making a toast on behalf of Amanda and myself seeing as how this is probably the last time I’ll be speaking for both Amanda and myself.

Amanda: Kevin told me he always wanted to find someone he could be friends with and French kiss (Kevin turns into beet)

A great start to a great marriage. Later we learned that Kevin had indeed forgotten to pack something for the hotel. Pants. To which Sara remarked, “That’s awfully optimistic of you.”

The O-Z: Uno

So about a month ago I went to Australia (aka OZ), for my brother’s wedding. The reason why I write about it now, is because I have had ample time to reflect, ponder, exaggerate, and make junk up. This was a memorable time and will take me several posts to complete.

We started with a long flight from Buffalo to Cleveland to LA to Auckland to Brisbane which involved over 24 hours of airports and planes. However, it was fairly untraumatic, due largely to the service that Qantas provides. I remember Qantas from the movie Rain Man, “Qantas never crashed.” Anyway, Qantas pampers its guests by bringing out snack bags, overnight bags (socks, toothbrush, sleeping mask), good food, and a personal entertainment center for each flyer. This system, complete with remote, includes books on tape, tv shows, radio stations, and probably about 50 movies. Wicked awesomeness.

Although the flight was fine, I had a lapse in judgement at the end. Here’s a tip: Don’t eat your continental breakfast and your wife’s eggy vege-breakfast and top it off with a bag of ranch cornuts before you land. More on that later.

So we arrived and were greeted by Angela, Amanda’s sister, and Kevin at the airport. It was a rainy day in Brisbane, but pleasant. They took us back to the motel to meet my parents. It was Saturday, but since our trip had been so long, everybody expected us to crash. Well, with the wedding and all, I was in such a happy sociable mood that I thought it would be great to go to church. Dumb dumb dumb.

In our motel room I was beginning to feel a bit hot, but thought I would be okay. So Kevin, Holly, Sara, and I piled into the car with Angela as our driver. We were having a good time catching up when suddenly I started to feel really gross. Now, I have a childhood full of being sick in the car, and I knew what the conclusion usually was. I managed to get out a “I don’t feel good…” and Angela immediately pulled over on the side of the road, I think it was a highway.

I won’t go into extreme detail here, but I introduced myself to Brisbane by tossing my cookies and various airplane foods along that busy road. This is where the cornuts made their encore appearance–out my nose. Sara was very comforting, and everyone else was very nice about it as well.

Unfortunately, we were almost to the church, so rather than make everyone turn around, I spent the service laying in the backseat of the car in abject misery. My attempt to be social consisted of people walking by the car and looking at me as I groaned and inwardly hoped that death would take me.

So I spent all Saturday afternoon with the 24-hour flu able to keep not a jot of food or tiddle of water within my body. And the wedding was the next day. Welcome to Australia.

 

Me trying on a tux just before I reap the whirlwind.

“Hubris goeth before one speweth”