Sippin’ on Gin and Juice?

I was reading a book about becoming a dad that pronounced this warning: Your spouse may get baby brain!  

This referred to the fact that sometimes expectant mothers seem to be a little more forgetful than usual.  A helpful tidbit for dads to kick it up a notch on the empathy.

But just the other day, I got an email back from a 6th-grade parent that simply read: “October 17.  Thinking about the baby are we?”

I was a little confused by this, since the due date is the 12th, but I checked my sent messages for some clarification.  That afternoon, I had meant to send out an email letting parents know that their little cherubs would be taking a Social Studies test this Friday, April 17.  Yet apparently, while typing the email, I had been caught in the throes of sympathetic baby brain.

Once the error of my ways set in, I quickly sent an email back to assure parents that I hadn’t been smokin’ indo or sippin’ on gin and juice.  

It appears that these days, I’ve simply got my mind on my baby and my baby on my mind.

What you talkin’ ’bout genie?

I went to the site babynamegenie,com to peruse their random name generator.  The results below indicate that the genie may be smoking something serious.  Creepily though, four of the possible middle names were near and dear to us: my brother-in-law’s dog, our cat, my sister-in-law, and my wife (almost).  The genie also made some racist comment about visiting a sushi bar.  Needless to say, I will definitely be back.  Without further ado:    

Colton River

Giselle Trinity

Tamara Rose

Denise Tess

Lexus Amanda

Gunner Dominic

Ashton Sara(h)

Jefferson Demetrius

Immanuel Jaden

Solomon Brandon

So we are all set if we want our kid to be a hippie/stripper.  Personally, I think Jefferson Demetrius and Immanuel Jaden are pretty sweet, but I guarantee you the wife puts the kibosh on those.  Any votes people?

Who’s Your Daddy?

Yeah, he’s the one who doesn’t have a scanner so he had to take a picture of your ultrasound printout (sans flash).  He’s also the one with virtually no Photoshop skills.  But he’s jazzed out of his mind about being your dad, and he already wrote you your first lullaby.  You’ll hear it once you develop fully functional ears.

Oh no she said too much

Here are a few things you do not want to hear your tax preparer say:

“I can’t make heads or tails of this (x 80!)”

“Can you read that for me?”

“Do you know what this stands for?”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“Oh, I’m glad you caught that!”

“Did you know you owe the state of New York $900?  That doesn’t seem right!”

“I can’t seem to find that darn thing.” (x 20)

Unfortunately, we DID hear all these things.  In fact, we heard these things over a time period of 2 hours.

Then there was the real kicker, the pièce de résistance. Not something spoken, but an action.  Those old wrinkly highly incompetent fingers covering up the federal return so we didn’t see that we owed $2600.  

In the end, it all worked out.  In the end, we got a decent refund.  In the end, I didn’t have to eviscerate a friendly old woman the way I eviscerated a Verizon phone representative a few years ago.  In the end, I didn’t have to lose my religion the week before Good Friday.