Write In, Maybe?

August 2, 2012

One of the best things about an election year is its ability to inspire satire. One of the best things about summer is the way it awakens my urge to hear awful pop music. The confluence of these forces produced the parody below.

Initially, I fully intended to make this about Willard “Mitt” Romney’s equivocating ways. However, while I totally agree with our President on his rapid “evolution” about equality, I couldn’t help but notice that he has put on a few flip flops as well. And by flip flops, I’m not just referring to the slippers he wore while growing up in Hawaii.

This resulted in a somewhat balanced critique. The song is based on the song “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen. If you haven’t heard this song then Google it, watch the video and the million other videos it has inspired and be prepared to have it stuck in your head throughout the day. Although this undertaking is certainly not for the faint of heart, I think you will find the parody more rewarding in the context of the original song. In my opinion, one key to an effective parody is its ability to stay reasonably faithful to the original while still making sense. It would also justify my time listening to such fluff.

I’m always wishing you well
Repealed “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”
But then my poll numbers fell
Now Romney’s in my way

I’d trade my soul for your vote
Throw in a free Ellen tote
Bit scared of rocking the boat
Should I come out pro gay?

Would I have the grace to do it?
Or the will to just say, “Screw it!”
How would all the voters view it?
Let’s unleash some Biden baby!

Hey, please elect me
My stance is hazy…but
I’ve seen the numbers
So gay rights, maybe?

It’s hard to look left
Might be crazy…but
I’ve seen the numbers
So gay rights, maybe?

And my two daughters
Really “changed” me
Not just the numbers
So gay rights, maybe?

Before I thought Glee was lame
But now it’s so great
But now it’s so great
Oh yeah it’s so so great

You took your time with the call
To nominate me this fall
I have no platform at all
Obama’s in my way

Commandments tell me, “Don’t steal”
But not the way I should feel
To boost my voter appeal
Or what I should say

Your ire was holding
Hated health care, guns were showing
Saw my Massachusetts voting
Don’t leave me for Santorum, baby!

Hey, please elect me
My beliefs are hazy…but
I’ve seen the numbers
No health care, maybe?

It’s hard to look right,
About babies…but
I’ve seen the numbers,
So pro-life, maybe?

Hey, I’m just like you
Taxes help the lazy
I’ve seen the numbers
No taxes, maybe?

And all the right wing boys,
Help to change me,
I have their numbers,
So tool, maybe?

Before the mandate was good
And now it’s so bad
And now it’s so bad
And now it’s so so bad

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