Wind Talker

December 20, 2012

The song “Wind Beneath My Wings” always had a different effect on me than other sentimental schlock. I have a fairly high cheese threshold, so songs like “The Rose”, “I Believe I Can Fly”, and “My Heart Will Go On” can be moving to me in the right circumstance. Even a John Tesh theme, when accompanied by “a look back at the compelling stories of these Olympic Games” can turn me into a Hallmarky Mark.

But WBMW is a different cat. Maybe it’s because the first few lines could easily be dropped into a rap track from the late 90s.

“Must have been cold there in my shadow/To never have sunlight on your face”

OH SNAP!

I can just imagine The Wind’s response to this song. Now, I’m sure El Viento has gotten quite used to hearing this kind of self-aggrandizement disguised as selflessness, but this pinnacle of patronization blows all of that away.

Did I ever tell you you’re my hero?

This is a rhetorical question, right? Because we both know the answer to this one.

You’re everything I wish I could be…

Everything? Oh right, so that’s why your agent and publicist had me on speed dial. And that would also explain why your stylist was always wanting to borrow from my Versace collection…oh wait.

I could fly higher than an eagle…

You could, but you really haven’t yet. To be honest, you’re not even at eagle level, let alone above it. More like a a kestrel, or pigeon, or perhaps a blood-sucking mosquito. Frankly I’m a little disappointed. With all the wind you’ve been getting, you’d think the VH1 Special would have happened by now.

’cause you are the wind beneath my wings

You say that now, but when the sun begins to set on your fame, all that “wind talk” is going to shift pretty quickly to blame. It will be all okay though. I’ll help you out, and maybe someday you can be somebody else’s wind like you always wished. Just don’t forget to bring a coat. It gets pretty cold.

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