3/52: Rolling Six

January 11, 2014

My boy turned six months old today. In commemoration of such a momentous event, I present to you the newest party game, Six Degrees of Elliot. All you need is a six-sided die and an open mind. The instructions are written by Mr. Half-A-Year-Old himself.

1 – If you roll this, then just do a roll yourself. Many moons ago, I started rolling from tummy to back, but then I just stopped. My parents were clearly getting too much joy out of it. My father referred to me as “He who has rolled”. But now I roll from my back to my belly all the time. It’s a great exercise for building up the core. And give yourself some bonus points if, post roll, you get really mad at the world for the fact that you have just done this to yourself.

2 – On a two, you should eat some food. Do a shot of Gerber. I just started on solids yesterday. Why some diabolical baby food executive deemed the orange mush labeled “carrots” as “solid” food I have no idea. Even though I spit up 98.9% of agent orange, my father considered it a success. My mother was skeptical.

3 – It’s time to scratch something. I particularly like the feeling of couch cushions. The sound of chubby fingers on fabric is music to my hairy ears. Did I mention that my cat is my hero?

4 – Congratulations! You just gave yourself the excuse to give yourself a hairdo like mine. If you aren’t sure what this looks like, just go to your nearest pet store and ask to see the hedgehogs. Seriously, this will get you noticed. One time, I was walking out of a plane and one of the airline dudes stopped mid-conversation to say, “Look at the hair on that kid!”

5 – Call your parents in the middle of the night to wake them up. No actually, make that two times. At least. Consistently. Test their limits. The real world is a tough place. They have got to learn.

6 – Roll a six and enjoy a giant nap. I do this several times a day. You can see the results in my skin. My favorite place to fall asleep is my Ergobaby carrier. That thing is more sleep-inducing than the first hour of The Hobbit. And after months of screaming fits, I’ve finally made my peace with the car. My parents must roll sixes a lot, because they always seem to be taking naps, talking about naps, or telling the other person that they really need to lie down.



4 Responses to “3/52: Rolling Six”

  1. aaaand . . . gimme a six! love. that. boy!

  2. Mom Says:

    His sixth month has been very event filled. Is a video of his turning coming soon??

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