42/52: Why I’m Not in Bed

November 15, 2014

It’s Friday night, the most beautiful night of the week. Papers are nestled snugly in my bag. My skin lacks the judgmental scarlet of the stray red pen. My mind does not dwell on what needs to be copied, what lunch needs to be packed, what student’s parent needs to be placated. There is peace on Earth.

In a few hours, my son will be up with a plaintive cry. I will pop a binky back into his mouth, lay him back down, and pray (with a fervor reserved for the holiest of days) that he will stay down. A few minutes later, I will wake up once more and attempt to snuggle him down on the sofa. He will embrace me. . .

[I literally fell asleep while typing this, so I’m not sure what that says about my writing. However, let me finish my deep thought.]

So why do I stay up attempt to stay up on such a night when I should be un-depriving myself of sleep? Because right now, a typical weekday stretch consists of getting up, helping get kids ready in the morning, teaching, playing with my kids, changing diapers, eating dinner as a family, giving baths, family worship, stories and snuggles, washing dishes, grading papers, and lesson plans. It’s usually bedtime between 11 and 12, then repeat the cycle.

There are a few minutes to carve out moments of selfish identity. The shower. Listening to a podcast while washing dishes. The occasional intramural football game. A quick check of sports scores or a turn of Words with Friends. However, there are fewer and fewer of these moments than ever before.

So this is why I sit in the darkness, self-indulgently doing nothing of consequence. I will fight my body’s need for sleep, sometimes unsuccessfully, savoring the autonomy of this irresponsible moment in my rather responsible life.

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2 Responses to “42/52: Why I’m Not in Bed”

  1. DeAbbie Says:

    That’s why I got up at 5:30 when then the kids were small!

  2. teachiro Says:

    If we tried that with Elliot, he would get up at 5:00. Just ask Sara.


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